Ch. 16

For the Wrong Reasons
For the Wrong Reasons

Ch. 16 // 10 min

For the Wrong Reasons

James follows Clara's note to an Islamic center looking for someone to recite the Quran over him, but when that man is away, he is forced to confront the difference between seeking protection and entering Islam sincerely.

The hospital gave James words that didn't turn into understanding.

Intracranial pressure. Sedation. Too early to say. The doctor spoke with the firm kindness of someone trained not to let fear make promises. Clara had struck her head in the fall. She was unconscious. They would know more when the swelling showed what it meant to do. James nodded at each sentence, because nodding let the doctor go on, and that delayed the moment he'd be left alone with what the sentences meant.

He wasn't family. Neighbor carried him as far as the waiting room. He sat under fluorescent light with Clara's folded note in his pocket and watched nurses pass through locked doors toward people who belonged to someone on paper.

At midnight the heat found him there.

It came up through the vinyl chair, damp under his thighs, rising until his marked wrist ached. He stood too fast. A woman across the room glanced up from her vending-machine coffee and looked away. The heat followed him into the corridor. In the dark window glass, his reflection lifted its hand half a breath after he did.

He unfolded Clara's note under the humming light.

Not the words. The One asked.

It didn't tell him what to do. It took away things he had already done: Zayn's recording used as machinery, Lawrence's bargain, the list. Each wrong answer fell away and left a direction he had spent days refusing.

By morning he had searched for Islamic centers within driving distance, then for recitation over the afflicted, then for someone who did that work. Three numbers led nowhere. One man told him gently that he didn't do that work and that James should talk to a local imam. Finally a woman at a community center gave him an address. The sheikh who helped with such things was away until next week, but James could come before noon and speak with someone.

He nearly didn't go. The devil made that easy. Instead of throwing him down the stairs, it offered delay in his own tired voice. Shower first. Call the hospital again. Read one more page so he wouldn't sound insane. He found himself in the kitchen beside a cold cup of coffee and realized he had spent forty minutes deciding whether socks mattered.

He left in the wrong socks.

The center sat between a pharmacy and a tax office in a brick building he had driven past for years. No dome. A green sign over a glass door, prayer times taped inside the window, shoes on a rack past the entrance, the smell of coffee from somewhere in the back. He had pictured a threshold dressed in symbols. It gave him carpet and fluorescent lights.

A man crossing the lobby stopped. Late thirties, trim beard, a work badge still clipped to his belt as if he'd come over at lunch. He looked at James's shoes, then at his face, and chose the face.

"Can I help you?"

None of the explanations James had rehearsed in the car survived. He asked for the man who recites the Quran over the afflicted, using the Arabic word he had read online, and it came out wrong. The man's expression didn't change. He brought James into a small office lined with books, where a heater clicked under the window, and gave him water. He didn't ask for the story until James had both hands around the cup.

James told it badly. The house, the previous owner, recordings, a jinn. He waited for disbelief to turn into politeness. The man only listened. When James reached Clara's fall, his voice went out from under him, and he set the note on the desk like evidence for a case no court would hear.

The man read it once and folded it back along her crease.

"The sheikh who does that recitation is away," he said. "I can try to reach him, but not today."

"I don't have a week."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

The man took the anger without leaning away from it. "No. Not the way you mean. But I believe you're afraid, and I think you came here because some part of you knows this isn't solved by bargaining with what harms you."

Bargaining. Lawrence's copper bowl. The voice offering easier mouths in the city. James covered his face until the office went dark behind his palms.

"If I became Muslim," he said, and stopped, because the sentence showed its ugliness before he finished it. "Would that protect me?"

The heater clicked. Out in the hall a child laughed and was hushed. The man didn't answer quickly, and that kept James from hearing the answer as a rule.

"The testimony of faith isn't a phrase to frighten jinn. It isn't something you say to switch protection on." He leaned forward, forearms on his knees. "It's testimony. Witness."

The word hit the place the basement had touched when James stood on Zayn's rug, sounding out in Arabic a line that meant I bear witness that there is no god but Allah. He had been told to say it and see. He had almost let the room turn witness into an experiment.

"In Arabic, the full testimony says this: I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. If you believe that, say it. Today. Because it's true, and not because of the house." "If you don't believe it, don't use it as a lie because you're afraid of a liar."

James had expected a refusal or an invitation and got a boundary instead. The man was keeping him from laying Islam on the basement floor beside Lawrence's knife.

"But jinn fear it."

"They fear Allah. Your pronunciation isn't stronger than their nature, and your trick isn't cleverer than their tricks. If you seek refuge, seek refuge in Allah. If you enter Islam, enter because you believe."

James thought of Zayn calling in the basement because the prayer time had come in and he was going back to what he'd neglected. Then he thought of himself taping a rug to the floor, checking conditions.

"What if I don't know whether I believe enough?"

The man gave him the first small smile James had seen from him. "Then don't pretend to be certain to impress me. Ask Allah to guide you, sincerely. Read. Come back." He tapped the folded note once. "Your friend saw something important. It isn't the words alone."

For a while neither of them spoke. Slowly James noticed his wrist had stopped aching. The heat that usually sat under his skin had pulled back so completely that its absence felt like a new sense. He looked at the books, the water cup, the heater clicking badly under the window, and didn't want to leave.

The man wrote a phone number on a card. He would call the sheikh again. James shouldn't sleep alone if he could help it, and he should stay away from anyone offering bargains with spirits. That last one came too late and still mattered.

At the door, James looked toward the prayer hall. A few men stood in a loose line while another straightened a boy's shoulders with gentle hands. Nobody looked armed for the unseen. They stood, all facing the same way, waiting for the prayer to begin.

Outside, the mark on his wrist woke at once.

The pain folded him over beside his car and turned the edges of the parking lot white. His keys slipped and struck the pavement. When he reached for them, his fingers stopped above the metal.

"Say it."

It was in his own mouth this time, shaped without breath. He closed his lips. The whisper went on behind them.

"Say it and go home. Say it and use it. He'll never know."

Through the windshield he could see Clara's note on the passenger seat. He had come here wanting a phrase big enough to stand between him and the wall. Now the devil wanted the same thing. It was willing to let him say sacred words, as long as they were false.

He picked up the keys with his left hand, because the right still wouldn't obey. Tears came, sudden and humiliating. He didn't say the testimony. He wouldn't let the thing in the wall make him lie with the only words it had tried to rush into his mouth.

He got into the car and locked the doors. Behind him, through brick and glass, men began to pray. He sat with his hands on the wheel until the whisper gave up on words. The heat stayed, a band around his left wrist the width of a thumb.

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